17 Communication Barriers

Communication Barriers

Photo by Herbert Ponting (1870-1935): The Great Wall of China in 1907

Overview
There are many different barriers to communication. These range from the largely invisible, such as those dealing with culture and cognition, to observable behaviors which we are able to see and hear quite easily.
In fact, it’s a wonder that we can communicate at all the large number of factors that can interfere with the process of understanding. However, there are number of different things that can prevent this from occurring.
There are a number different barriers which can rear its ugly head, during a normal conversation, each of which is largely ignored.

17 Communication Barriers

Encoding and Decoding Barriers

Image by: Mk2010. Coke-bottle-shaped barcode on a Coke can.

Encoding refers to the hidden process of taking thought and turning it into a language. Decoding occurs on the receiver side when one takes language enters it in the thought.

One-Way Communication

This is a major barrier to communication and a source of misunderstanding. It refers to the behavior of both the sender and the receiver. In one way communication the sender dominates and the receiver acts passively. There’s also very little feedback verbal available to the sender even if the sender was asking for it. This lack of feedback prevents you party from checking to make sure that the message is understood properly. And of course, written communication biased nature is a one-way medium.

Cultural Barriers

Fourteen thousand Chinese performers adorned with 15,153 different types of costumes perform during the opening ceremony of the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, China, August 8, 2008.

Culture also has great impact on nonverbal communication and produces many barriers to understanding. One nonverbal element is people’s understanding of time or chronomics. In one culture business meetings may start and end on time. In other culture, they never start and never end on time. More subtly, some viewed time as a line–it has a beginning and an end. And you hear people speaking of a timeline. Other cultures, pew time as a circle. It has no beginning or end.

Proverbs and Idioms

Proverbs are essentially sayings the existed in a culture for a long period of time that those within the culture understand instantly, and those outside the culture will be totally confused. To the average American, the words ” lure the tiger from the mountain” would have little meaning. To the average Chinese, saying the words ” it was the straw that broke the camels back” would equally not mean too much. These types of common sayings actually may not be deeply understood even when someone is raised within a culture for many years. To cite one example, there is a saying which goes “don’t cry over spilled milk.” It essentially means one should let go of the negative emotion associated with a bad experience.

Wrong Choice of Medium

People often send the message but failed to consider whether that message should best be sent verbally, written, or through some type of electronic media. It’s very common in today’s organizations for people to automatically default to sending an e-mail when in reality, this should pick up the phone or call the meeting.

Bad Timing

Timing is important. The right message at the wrong time means that the message is often left unheard. A simple example in many business situations concerns the coffee ritual. Many have to have one cup and sometimes two before they are ready to tackle the problems of the day. And of course, all of us have missed out by bringing up a problem when our boss is in a lousy mood.

Missing Nonverbals

Image by: VasoniVasoni

It’s easy to miss nonverbal information—few people routinely process it. This is a major mistake.. If you watch face you can pick up signals and information that is not communicated verbally. For example, most people signal both understanding and confusion not with words but with facial expressions. Or one can get an idea from reading face whether person agrees or disagrees with you. And most people, find it difficult to mask facial expressions when they’re lying.

The Limitations of Serial Informational Processing

Image by: Tashaila Nichole Meyers. A water fountain on Gilbert Road, at the North entrance to downtown Gilbert, Arizona

If you can only process one language stream, then he would be processing information serially. If you can process to language streams at the same time, then you would be processing information in a parallel manner. How many language language streams can the mind process at any given moment a time? It turns out that most people can’t process paralleling and the best we can do is process one the time. However, some people can do pretty good job of fast switching. This is when one turns one attention back and forth between two conversations catching the essence of what each person is saying.

Semantic Confusion

Confusion by Adi Ron

Semantic confusion results over the differences in meaning associated with a concept Many communication barriers exist at this very subtle level. When I say word and you hear the word we both understand it, but these understandings are different.
One story that illustrates this is one that comes out of World War II. In the early days of the war, British and American military official wanted to talk over strategy. The Americans wanted to it “table it,”as did the British. An argument broke out between the two groups table it at meant different things. To the Americans, table it meant to postpone discussion While to the British, table it meant talking over right now.

Abstract Versus Concrete Language

This important communication barrier relates to the nature of words themselves. Concrete words that have a high image content. Words such as chair, table, glass, mirror and so on fit this category. Other words are more abstract And because we can’t necessarily form a mental picture with abstract words, it’s easier to misunderstand each other. Commonly misunderstood abstract words include: democracy, freedom, free market, taxes, etc.

Differences in Depth of Understanding

At a subtle level, individuals can also misunderstand each other due to the associations and richness of meaning surrounding a particular concept or schemata. To illustrate one example, a word such as neurotransmitter has a great deal of meaning attached to if you’re neurophysiologist. But to a businessman, while the word is superficially understood, it doesn’t have a lot of meaning attached.

Jargon and Slang

Jargon is professional language. Most occupations and all professions have a unique set of language that people outside those disciplines don’t understand. It was once said, that there are over 80,000 words in English that describe aspects of the human body or disease. These medical terms can be found in Dorland’s Medical Dictionary. In it you would find words such as dopamine, serotonin, nephritis, cirrhosis, microtubules, myocardial infarction and so on. One commonly sees communication barriers originating from the use of jargon in a business setting where three or four people are using words the other barely understands An engineer might not understand marketing. Marketing, doesn’t understand logistics, nobody understands the software, and so on.
Slang is a bit easier to understand since one can overcome this barrier by understanding how a certain word is used in a context. Slang essentially the language of the young, who love new words, especially those that the old cannot understand. A classic example of this is the use of the word “bad.” Until Michael Jackson song in the year XX, it was understood to be “not good.” However his song by the same title essentially change the meaning of the word in common English.

Metaphor, Analogy, Simile, Allegory

Pieter Brueghel the Elder (1526/1530–1569): The Tower of Babel

Metaphor is a common method of decreasing confusion and lowering barriers to communication, but it can also introduce inaccuracies. To give you one example, there is an engineering term known as “nominal.” This is a very important term in understanding how high-quality products get made. But if you’re not exactly sure about what it means, we can simplify the understanding by using a metaphor of shooting an arrow into the bull’s-eye or center part of a target.
Sometimes government leaders do this when they want to communicate complex concept in a much more simple way. An example is a concept promoted in the 1980s by the Reagan administration known as the Strategic Defense Initiative. Since this was a rather difficult thing to understand, it was sometimes explained by a simple metaphor that one wanted to have an nuclear umbrella (missile over the house (country) to prevent the nuclear rain (other missiles) from coming down. In other words, one wanted to have the ability to shoot down a missile with another missile. This is sometimes put in an analogy form of your throwing a rock to intercept a rock thrown at you.

Filtering

Filtering is a subtle mechanism typically running outside of conscious awareness in which we discount or even forget information not consistent with our existing beliefs. This is partly accounted for by the psychological mechanism of cognitive dissonance. This occurs when new information that conflicts with existing beliefs causes a certain amount of anxiety. Rather than dealing with anxiety, is much simpler to just ignore and forget the new information reducing that level of anxiety. In business, this is been offered as a reason for a high level of returns. Let’s say you go out and buy a new suit. But your best friend says that you look ugly when that suit and you got ripped off. In the case, you might take back the student asked for your money back. In the case, you might believe in low taxes. However, city government one may want to increase taxes to pay for new schools. And rather than believe this line of logic, it would be much easier to discount this information and reject the argument out of hand.

The Ego Defense Mechanisms

National Prtg. & Engr. Co. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde poster. Story by Robert Lewis Stevenson. A story about the two sides of the Ego: a good side and a bad side

There are many different types of these defense mechanisms. What they have in common is a protective function that wraps the Ego in a safety blanket. This mental security zone protects the Ego from perceiving threats and information that causes anxiety. It’s one of the underlying mechanisms for filtering.

Awareness and Attention

Believe it or not, attention is a very scarce mental resource. Besides being scare, we might allocate what is available to the wrong things. We may focus on the visual when in reality, we should be paying attention to the audio. Or we may have withdrawn our attention to focus on our own internal thinking, instead of listening to what the other person is saying.
Few people know how to focus their attention to reduce this communication barrier. And so we end up missing a great deal of verbal information. And because attention is a scarce resource, most people pay no attention to the nonverbal information available.

Information Transmission Problems

Image by: Stefan Andrej Shambora. High voltage transmission towers and lines.

Transmission of verbal information is subject to:

Distortion,

Deletion, and

Additions.

The one that always occurs, is deletion. Let’s say, that your manager was in a meeting lasting for two hours and you ask, “What happened?” They proceed to give you a 30 seconds to 1 minute summary— deleting a huge amount of information.
People don’t always remember the details so they will fill in the details with additional information. Few of us are likely to remember what we did on our eighth birthday, but if asked, we could likely put together pretty good story. Distortion is a bit different. In the meeting, maybe they were talking about apples, but what was transmitted about the meeting was a discussion on oranges. Both are fruit so distorted information still contains some element of truth.
Conclusion
We take the communication of meaning for granted and most of the time it works well enough. However, there are a number of communication barriers, some visible–most invisible, the have major impact on your ability to send and receive messages.

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https://www.legacee.com/skills/communication/barriers/

Interpersonal Communication Skills

 https://www.legacee.com/skills/communication/interpersonal/ 

Image by: Mas

Six Critical Interpersonal Communication Skills

By Murray Johannsen,  Feel free to connect by Linkedin, Google+ or by email

This page lists 6 interpersonal communication skills essential in being able to influence one other person. After all, if can’t influence another person, you are a poor sort of leader.

• Mastering NONVERBAL communication
• Learning TWO-WAY COMMUNICATION techniques
• Choosing the type of LISTENING most appropriate to the situation.
• Using relevant of QUESTIONS
• Developing sound RELATIONSHIPS. 
• SELF-TALK. Basically learning to communication between the two biggest parts of the mind—the Ego and The Unconscious
• INTERVIEWING (which consists of elements of the above)

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw

Effective leaders realize early in life that they must continually improve communication skills. Failure to do so means you can never execute on complex leadership styles or success models such as John Wooden’s Pyramid.

While writing is important, it’s really the focus on verbal skills that makes the difference when it comes to leadership. That’s because the written word primarily appeals to reason and logic, however, speaking appeals to logic and reason, AND arouses emotions, motivates and persuades.

The Importance of Interpersonal Communication

Your Interpersonal communication abilities form the basis both for personal and professional relationships. Not only that, but employers have been saying for years they want employees with stellar communication skills. 

Despite it importance, few people spend the time to really understand it or to improve the component skills of interpersonal communication (see the list below). So you might way, the competition is weak.

Still, at some point in climbing the organizational latter, your skills in this area will either make you or break you. Make the  investment in interpersonal communication skills, it will pay off many times over. For example, having lousy interpersonal communication skills typically keeps the unemployed from getting a job when they bomb the interview.  

What Is Interpersonal Communication

This video is about principles of communication and how those communication principles impact our thinking. For example, what are the implications of calling someone a loser? And can you not, not communicate?

You might ask, what is interpersonal communication? It simply involves sending a message between two people. Looks pretty simple on the diagram below, but the art is in the practice.

Use of Feedback

“Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” — Unknown

“Few managers want to deliver it, most subordinates don’t want to receive it. Yet, there is little improvement without it.” — M. Johannsen

Communicating to provide feedback is necessary if one is to improve performance. Those with a high need to achieve, those who constantly seek to perform at their best and improve their skills, understand the need for feedback. In fact, they often ask for it.

But these are a small minority. The vast majority want to live in the “ignorance bubble” undefined getting an “attagirl” or an” attiboy” on occasion, but deathly afraid of hearing about mistakes and screw-ups.

Cynics might say that at work, we don’t want champions, we want workers. True, True. Still, one shouldn’t keep the workers in the dark about their own performance. Too many times we hear someone at work frustrated with a bad performance appraisal, seemingly blind sided by an arbitrary and capricious manager who seems to be out to get them. In reality, it simply a case that the manager did not give enough feedback. After all, one should not be surprised at what the appraisal says.

In systems theory, there is two types of feedback, positive and negative. Both are absolutely essential if you are to have high levels of performance. But bosses find it difficult to give negative feedback and subordinates find it hard to receive it.

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  Interpersonal Communication

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” — Plato

“The mind is like a TV set, when it goes stops working, it is a good idea to shut off the sound.” — Unknown

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Stevie, wanna play house?” He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” The girl replies, “I want you to communicate.” He says to her, “that word is too big. I have no idea what it means.” The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband

Interpersonal communication is the skill set used between two individuals, with one acting as a sender and the other acting as a receiver. Surprisingly, even this relatively simple form of communication is fraught with many types of problems.
Problems include a number of encoding and decoding biases on both the sender and the receiver side. But individuals will also choose the wrong medium, fail to solicit feedback and so on.
This communication skill process is conceptually rather simple, having just two individuals–done acting as a sender and the other acting as a receiver. Besides that, you have a couple of hidden mental processes known as encoding and decoding.
Selection of the medium is another important consideration. In today’s large organizations, you commonly see individuals sending an email, when they should pick up the telephone.
Last but not least, don’t underestimate the importance of feedback. Its one of the most important interpersonal communication processes, but one that typically operates nonverbally and thus out of conscious awareness.
The verbal and nonverbal elements of Interpersonal communication appear to be simple, it has a surprising number of variations. For example, interpersonal communication can be two-way or one-way. If it’s one way, it is sender dominated. The receiver is very passive, in many case, faking it with an occasional acknowledgment statement. In fact, a receiver doesn’t even have to even say anything, they can simply nod from time to time. Faking it comes in handy since one doesn’t have to pay attention to a boring person. As one can see, one-way interpersonal communication creates problems and it has sometimes been called passive listening.

Interpersonal Communication Barriers

Surprisingly, even this relatively simple form of interpersonal communication barrers (compared to what is going on in groups anyway) is fraught with many types of barriers. The short list includes:

* Encoding problems on both the sender side

* Decoding biases the receiver side

* Choose the wrong interpersonal communication medium,

* Bad timing

* Fail to read feedback, and so on.

 Listening

His Master’s Voice

“Every ass loves to hear himself bray.” –– Thomas Fuller

“General Eisenhower and I didn’t discuss politics or the campaign. Mostly we talked about painting and fishing. But what I remember most about the hour and a half I spent with him was the way he gave me all his attention. He was listening to me and talking to me just as if he hadn’t a care in the world, hadn’t been through the trials of a political convention, wasn’t on the brink of a presidential campaign.” — Norman Rockwell, Saturday Evening Post, April 2, 196

Most people are terrible listeners,but they do know how to fake it pretty well. We do this with techniques such as nodding at the right moment, period acknowledgments such as, “Ah” and “Ah, ha,” and the classic technique present in the marriage, the “Yes, dear.” In fact, we are so good at faking listening, that the average person can’t even tell.
Leaders cannot afford to develop a reputation for unskilled listening, it’s ruinous. Despite this, one of the more common complaints in many organizations is, “My boss doesn’t listen to me.”
Listening is important–it’s hard work–it’s something few people do well. That’s because the interpersonal communication skill called listening requires constant mental energy and it easier to fake it. Technically, faking it involves using certain types of acknowledgement signals to give the sender the impression that we are paying attention when we are not.
Plus there are actually different types of listening. For example, you can listen passively, actively, or emphatically. One can listen to memorize or critically listen as a means of logic checking.
This interpersonal communication skill can be improved, but it requires both knowledge and effort. For many years, I actually did this wrong. I hand thought the fundamental problem was a series of barriers. It turned out, the real problem was one of related of limitations of attention. There are five of these.

• Serial Information drastically diminishing parallel language processing
• Capacity Limitations cause that information overload
• Fatigue counteracts vigilance
• Short Attentions Spans
• Attention is selective — it misses more than it processes
• People focus it internal when they should have it external.

So remember the words of Andre Gide, “Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens, we have to keep going back and begin again.

Reading Nonverbal Communication Signals

“A newcomer to a certain summer resort was surprised to find a group of men gathered on the lawn one evening shouting numbers at each other. “Sixteen,” one would yell, and all would laugh. “One hundred and thirty-five,” another would say, and all would laugh. “Twenty-seven,” a third would say, nearly choking with glee, and all would laugh. “Two hundred and three,” shouted someone, and this time everyone fell off his chair howling. The laughter continued till some turned blue in the face and had to be pounded to keep them from suffocating. Numbers continued to be called thereafter, and laughter, now more subdued, also continued. Finally the newcomer spoke to one of the men on the fringes and said, “Pardon me, but tell me what’s going on.” ‘Well,” said the other, “this group meets every year at this resort, and night after night we swap stories. Naturally, we all know the stories, so we gave them numbers and save time by calling the numbers.” The newcomer nodded. “I see. But tell me this. When someone shouted, ‘Two hundred and three,’ everyone laughed particularly loudly. Why was that?” His informant chuckled. “Kohl Well, you see, that one we had never heard before.

”The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” — Peter F. Drucker

Nonverbal communication contains meaning than what is embedded in the words. Yet, few individuals pay much attention to it and the average person is rather clueless as to what it all means. Part of this confusion stems from cultural differences. While a smile is universal, the meaning attached to other facial expressions is determined by culture.
Besides cultural differences there are many different types of nonverbal communication. These include: artifacts, haptics, kinesics, facial expressions, paralanguage, gestures, osculesics, chronemics, interpersonal distance, and body movements (Tubbs, and Moss, 2006).
As you know, emotions and mostly communicated though voice characteristics and facial expressions. If you don’t pay attention to these, it is like having the right eye shut and the left one looking left when it should be looking right. You miss so much.
To make matters worse, many people tend to engage in a form of self-talk. This is a special type of self-talk in which the person speaks, but pays not attention to what to the other person. For example, that classic self-talker really doesn’t care whether their words are understood or confusing.
But periodically, they will come out of their mental masturbation to see that you haven’t left. And of course you will nod politely. They in-term will think that you agree with everything they have just said. It’s not that hard to identify the self-talker, all you have to do is look into the eyes. Besides the problem of self-talk, there are many different types of nonverbal interpersonal communication.

 Asking Questions

“He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.” — Chinese Proverbs

“Any idiot can state opinion as fact, but it takes a creative mind to ask the right questions.” — Unknown

For some reason, many executives assume that they have to dominate everyone. This is typically done is through communicating in loud voice with a fast tempo, for a long period of time to prevent someone from being able to speak or ask questions. If a question does get asked, the executive has a fall back position — the two-minute tirade of irrelevancy.

The power of questions can be seen in TV shows where during a trial, the defense attorney or a prosecutor can enhance or destroy a witnesses credibility simply by the using well structure questions.
Without improving this verbal communication skill, effective counseling, therapy and group facilitation is essentially impossible.
Questions are one of the most powerful methods of verifying and extracting information from another. The key is to ask the right question since most people answer them honestly. Many fail to recognize that questions have the power to same goal as persuasive statements. Rather then use statements, it’s better to use questions to encourage the person to discover the answer themselves.
Communicating through questions is subtle and more indirect. It possesses the additional advantage that the person typically doesn’t become defensive as a result of during interpersonal communication.
Without using this interpersonal communication technique, group facilitation is essentially impossible. Other situations such as therapy will suffer as a result.

Building Relationships 

“You never get a second chance to make a positive first impression” — American Saying

“When someone’s character seems impossible to fathom, observe his friends.” — Japanese proverb

A number of studies over the years have indicated that interviews have a relatively low correlation when it comes to predicting future job performance. Despite this low validity, organizations everywhere make interviews a must pass initiation ritual to access corporate riches.

So while interviews are not that valuable to the hiring agency, they are super important to the job seeker who must act, must project, must skillfully communicate in a way that meets the interviewers criteria for the ideal candidate.
Good interpersonal communication skills produce good relationships–it’s are simple and as complex as that. While Americans tend to de emphasize the importance interpersonal communication skills in building relationships due to the use of contracts in business, Other cultures follow a different set of rules.
For cultures in Asia, for example, business doesn’t begin until the relationship is sound. So if one has bad communicate skills, if you can’t form strong interpersonal relationships, you are like a dentist without a drill.
Additionally, certain types of influence techniques require this use of this set of interpersonal communication techniques. One cannot expectations for example. It has been shown in the psychological research that communicating expectations are incredibly important.
In this area: one uses interpersonal communication to:

• Establish trust
• Build rapport (or being liked),
• Generate Empathy, and
• Create a Positive Impression

Self-Talk As A Mean Of Communication

 “I frequently lose arguments with myself.” — Explanation used to explain why a person ate another chocolate just after saying that they were not going to eat any more. 

It’s long been known by psychologists there is an internal verbal dialog occurring within the mind that’s incredibly important to improve. Yet, most of us pay it no mind.
Even good communication skills texts rarely mention that importance of improving the communication between the Ego and the Unconscious. They fail to understand that skilled lines of communication need to be cultivated or you see a lot of, “I don’t do what I’m supposed to do; and do what I shouldn’t do.”
The miscommunication between the Ego and the Unconscious means the mind functions like a young child with two legs that can’t work together. Consequently, you see “drunken walks” and frequent falls. And too often, one goes two steps forward, but three steps back.
You might ask, why self-talk is included in leadership communication? Good question. Most would say that leadership is essentially about influence–how we can influence other others. Yet, if we fail to engage in the right kind of self-talk, our ability to lead, to communicate the proper words in the moment will be severely compromised.
Partly this is due to the power of expectations. It has long been known that what we expect tends to occur. The great writer Ovid in his Metamorphosis wrote this into the story of Pygmalion, the poor sculptor in search of true love. In this case, the power of belief was a positive one and there was a typical Hollywood happy ending. However, people sometimes talk themselves into many unhappy endings. And lets face it, people are not going to follow someone who is not in charge of their own mind.
Self-talk is typically what the Ego thinks about. It’s the internal thoughts that we hold inside and don’t share. So while a leader might project an image of self-confidence, in their own thinking they may have many doubts, doubts that prevent them from taking the right actions.

You never get too good at something things, and you never get too good at interpersonal communication. And no matter how good you are now, you can always get better

References

Burley-Allen (1995).Listening: The Forgotten Skill. 2nd Edition. Wiley. Another textbook that we often use.

Baron-Cohen, Simon (2004).The Essential Difference: The Truth About the Male and Female Brain. New York: Basic Books.
Bate, Barbara & Taylor (Eds.) (1988).Women Communicating. Norwood, NJ: Ablex
Tannen, Deborah (1991).You Just Don’t Understand : Women and Men in Conversation. This is a classic. It contains many patterns men and women have that lead to miscommunication.
Moss, Stewart, and Tubbs, Sylvia (2006). Human Communication, Principles and Contexts, 11th Edition. New York: Prentice Hall.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116695/Tapscott, Don (1998).Growing Up Digital: The Rise of the Net Generation. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Tubbs, Stewart (2009). Human Communication, Principles and Contexts, 12th Edition. New York: Prentice Hall. This is one of our teaching texts for our online communication classes.
Cool Stuff on Communication

Jerry McGuire (1996)

Who said the live of a sports agent is easy? Especially one that this one has an ethics, that caused him to give up and a life in the box for that of an entrepreneur. Most famous line, “Show me the money.”

Thank You For Smoking (2005)

Great show if you want to study the fine art of persuasion or marketing of tobacco products. One gets the impression that working as a lobbyist requires a great deal of fast talking and a really low standard of ethics.

Online Information
Think You Can Pitch: Creatives Break Down Their Art.   One of the better descriptions on the art I have ever run across. Definitely one that’s worth listening to.
Communication Skills Test. This site (called Queendom) has many different types of assessments, many offered for free.
This Fast Company article has a number of communication tips — over 55 of them. These form the basis for something called heuristics — the ability to make a good decision based on available.
The Elevator Pitch. We all need a short elevator pitch to explain what we are doing. More art than science, it needs to be practiced. 
Borchers, Tim (1999).Interpersonal Communication. Allyn and Bacon. This is a nice overview of interpersonal communication. You will find scholarly views on topics such as: relationship development, self-disclosure, patterns and interpersonal conflict.

Projective Identification Podcast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHOM0IywErw&feature=youtu.be

Projective Identification Podcast

Everyday Asperger's _ Girls

Aspergers Traits (Women, Females, Girls)

February 10, 2012 | Aspergers Girls

 

http://everydayaspergers.com/2012/02/10/aspergers-traits-women-females-girls/ 

Ten Traits

1) We are deep philosophical thinkers and writers; gifted in the sense of our level of thinking. Perhaps poets, professors, authors, or avid readers of nonfictional genre. I don’t believe you can have Aspergers without being highly-intelligent by mainstream standards. Perhaps that is part of the issue at hand, the extreme intelligence leading to an over-active mind and high anxiety. We see things at multiple levels, including our own place in the world and our own thinking processes. We analyze our existence, the meaning of life, the meaning of everything continually. We are serious and matter-of-fact. Nothing is taken for granted, simplified, or easy. Everything is complex.
2) We are innocent, naive, and honest. Do we lie? Yes. Do we like to lie? No. Things that are hard for us to understand: manipulation, disloyalty, vindictive behavior, and retaliation. Are we easily fooled and conned, particularly before we grow wiser to the ways of the world? Absolutely, yes. Confusion, feeling misplaced, isolated, overwhelmed, and simply plopped down on the wrong universe, are all parts of the Aspie experience. Can we learn to adapt? Yes. Is it always hard to fit in at some level? Yes. Can we out grow our character traits? No.
3) We are escape artists. We know how to escape. It’s the way we survive this place. We escape through our fixations, obsessions, over-interest in a subject, our imaginings, and even made up reality. We escape and make sense of our world through mental processing, in spoken or written form. We escape in the rhythm of words. We escape in our philosophizing.  As children, we had pretend friends or animals, maybe witches or spirit friends, even extraterrestrial buddies. We escaped in our play, imitating what we’d seen on television or in walking life, taking on the role of a teacher, actress in a play, movie star. If we had friends, we were either their instructor or boss, telling them what to do, where to stand, and how to talk, or we were the “baby,” blindly following our friends wherever they went. We saw friends as “pawn” like; similar to a chess game, we moved them into the best position for us. We escaped our own identity by taking on one friend’s identity. We dressed like her, spoke like her, adapted our own self to her (or his) likes and dislikes. We became masters at imitation, without recognizing what we were doing. We escaped through music. Through the repeated lyrics or rhythm of a song–through everything that song stirred in us. We escaped into fantasies, what could be, projections, dreams, and fairy-tale-endings. We obsessed over collecting objects, maybe stickers, mystical unicorns, or books. We may have escaped through a relationship with a lover. We delve into an alternate state of mind, so we could breathe, maybe momentarily taking on another dialect, personality, or view of the world. Numbers brought ease. Counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging. At parties, if we went, we might have escaped into a closet, the outskirts, outdoors, or at the side of our best friend. We may have escaped through substance abuse, including food, or through hiding in our homes. What did it mean to relax? To rest? To play without structure or goal? Nothing was for fun, everything had to have purpose. When we resurfaced, we became confused. What had we missed? What had we left behind? What would we cling to next?
4) We have comorbid attributes of other syndromes/disorders/conditions. We often have OCD tendencies (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), sensory issues (with sight, sound, texture, smells, taste), generalized anxiety and/or a sense we are always unsafe or in pending danger, particularly in crowded public places. We may have been labeled with seemingly polar extremes: depressed/over-joyed, lazy/over-active, inconsiderate/over-sensitive, lacking awareness/attention to detail, low-focus/high-focus. We may have poor muscle tone, be double-jointed, and lack in our motor-skills. We may hold our pencil “incorrectly.” We may have eating disorders, food obsessions, and struggles with diet. We may have irritable bowel, Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and other immune-challenges. We may have sought out answers to why we seemed to see the world differently than others we knew, only to be told we were attention seekers, paranoid, hypochondriacs, or too focused on diagnoses and labels. Our personhood was challenged on the sole basis that we “knew” we were different but couldn’t prove it to the world and/or our personhood was oppressed as we attempted to be and act like someone we were not. We still question our place in the world, who we are, who we are expected to be, searching for the “rights” and “wrongs;” and then, as we grow and realize there are no true answers, that everything is theory-based and limited, we wonder where to search.
5) We learn that to fit in we have to “fake” it. Through trial and error we lost friends. We over-shared, spilling out intimate details to strangers; we raised our hand too much in class, or didn’t raise our hand at all; we had little impulse control with our speaking, monopolizing conversations and bringing the subject back to ourselves. We aren’t narcissistic and controlling–we know we are not, but we come across that way. We bring the subject back to ourselves because that is how we make sense of our world, that is how we believe we connect. We use our grasp of the world as our foundation, our way of making sense of another. We share our feelings and understandings in order to reach out. We don’t mean to sound ego-centered or over zealous. It’s all we know. We can’t change how we see the world. But we do change what we say. We hold a lot inside. A lot of what we see going on about us, a lot of what our bodies feel, what our minds conjecture. We hold so much inside, as we attempt to communicate correctly. We push back the conversational difficulties we experience, e.g., the concepts of acceptable and accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, stance, posture–push it all back, and try to focus on what someone is saying with all the do’s and don’ts hammering in our mind. We come out of a conversation exhausted, questioning if we “acted” the socially acceptable way, wondering if we have offended, contradicted, hurt, or embarrassed others or ourselves. We learn that people aren’t as open or trusting as we are. That others hold back and filter their thoughts. We learn that our brains are different. We learn to survive means we must pretend.
6) We seek refuge at home or at a safe place. The days we know we don’t have to be anywhere, talk to anyone, answer any calls, or leave the house, are the days we take a deep breath and relax. If one person will be visiting, we perceive the visit as a threat; knowing logically the threat isn’t real, doesn’t relieve a drop of the anxiety. We have feelings of dread about even one event on the calendar. Even something as simple as a self-imposed obligation, such as leaving the house to walk the dog, can cause extreme anxiety. It’s more than going out into society; it’s all the steps that are involved in leaving–all the rules, routines, and norms. Choices can be overwhelming: what to wear, to shower or not, what to eat, what time to be back, how to organize time, how to act outside the house….all these thoughts can pop up. Sensory processing can go into overload; the shirt might be scratchy, the bra pokey, the shoes too tight. Even the steps to getting ready can seem boggled with choices–should I brush my teeth or shower first, should I finish that email, should I call her back now or when I return, should I go at all? Maybe staying home feels better, but by adulthood we know it is socially “healthier” to get out of the house, to interact, to take in fresh air, to exercise, to share. But going out doesn’t feel healthy to us, because it doesn’t feel safe. For those of us that have tried CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), we try to tell ourselves all the “right” words, to convince ourselves our thought patterns are simply wired incorrectly, to reassure ourself we are safe…the problem then becomes this other layer of rules we should apply, that of the cognitive-behavior set of rules. So even the supposed therapeutic self-talk becomes yet another set of hoops to jump through before stepping foot out of the house. To curl up on the couch with a clean pet, a cotton blanket, a warm cup of tea, and a movie or good book may become our refuge. At least for the moment, we can stop the thoughts associated with having to make decisions and having to face the world. A simple task has simple rules.
7) We are sensitive. We are sensitive when we sleep, maybe needing a certain mattress, pillow, and earplugs, and particularly comfortable clothing. Some need long-sleaves, some short. Temperature needs to be just so. No air blowing from the heater vent, no traffic noise, no noise period. We are sensitive even in our dream state, perhaps having intense and colorful dreams, anxiety-ridden dreams, or maybe precognitive dreams. Our sensitivity might expand to being highly-intuitive of others’ feelings, which is a paradox, considering the limitations of our social communication skills. We seek out information in written or verbally spoken form, sometimes over-thinking something someone said and reliving the ways we ought to have responded. We take criticism to heart, not necessarily longing for perfection, but for the opportunity to be understood and accepted. It seems we have inferiority complexes, but with careful analysis, we don’t feel inferior, but rather unseen, unheard, and misunderstood. Definitely misunderstood. At one point or another, we question if in fact we are genetic hybrids, mutations, aliens, or  displaced spirits–as we simply feel like we’ve landed on the wrong planet. We are highly susceptible to outsiders’ view points and opinions. If someone tells us this or that, we may adapt our view of life to this or that, continually in search of the “right” and “correct” way. We may jump from one religious realm to another, in search of the “right” path or may run away from aspects of religion because of all the questions that arise in theorizing. As we grow older, we understand more of how our minds work, which makes living sometimes even more difficult; because now we can step outside ourselves and see what we are doing, know how we our feeling, yet still recognize our limitations.  We work hard and produce a lot in a small amount of time. When others question our works, we may become hurt, as our work we perceive as an extension of ourselves. Isn’t everything an extension of ourselves–at least our perception and illusion of reality? Sometimes we stop sharing our work in hopes of avoiding opinions, criticism, and judgment. We dislike words and events that hurt others and hurt animals. We may have collected insects, saved a fallen bird, or rescued pets. We have a huge compassion for suffering, as we have experienced deep levels of suffering. We are very sensitive to substances, such as foods, caffeine, alcohol, medications, environmental toxins, and perfumes; a little amount of one substance can have extreme effects on our emotional and/or physical state.
8) We are ourselves and we aren’t ourselves. Between imitating others and copying the ways of the world, and trying to be honest, and having no choice but to be “real,” we find ourselves trapped between pretending to be normal and showing all our cards. It’s a difficult state. Sometimes we don’t realize when we are imitating someone else or taking on their interests, or when we are suppressing our true wishes in order to avoid ridicule. We have an odd sense of self. We know we are an individual with unique traits and attributes, with uniques feelings, desires, passions, goals, and interests, but at the same time we recognize we so desperately want to fit in that we might have adapted or conformed many aspects about ourselves. Some of us might reject societal norms and expectations all together, embracing their oddities and individuality, only to find themselves extremely isolated. There is an in between place where an aspie girl can be herself and fit in, but finding that place and staying in that place takes a lot of work and processing. Some of us have a hard time recognizing facial features and memorize people by their clothes, tone of voice and hairstyle. Some of us have a hard time understanding what we physically look like. We might switch our preference in hairstyles, clothes, interests, and hobbies frequently, as we attempt to manage to keep up with our changing sense of self and our place. We can gain the ability to love ourselves, accept ourselves, and be happy with our lives, but this usually takes much inner-work and self-analysis. Part of self-acceptance comes with the recognition that everyone is unique, everyone has challenges, and everyone is struggling to find this invented norm. When we recognize there are no rules, and no guide map to life, we may be able to breathe easier, and finally explore what makes us happy.
9) Feelings and other people’s actions are confusing. Others’ feelings and our own feelings are confusing to the extent there are no set rules to feelings. We think logically, and even though we are (despite what others think) sensitive, compassionate, intuitive, and understanding, many emotions remain illogical and unpredictable. We may expect that by acting a certain way we can achieve a certain result, but in dealing with emotions, we find the intended results don’t manifest. We speak frankly and literally. In our youth, jokes go over our heads; we are the last to laugh, if we laugh at all, and sometimes ourselves the subject of the joke. We are confused when others make fun of us, ostracize us, decide they don’t want to be our friend, shun us, belittle us, trick us, and especially betray us. We may have trouble identifying feelings unless they are extremes. We might have trouble with the emotion of hate and dislike. We may hold grudges and feel pain from a situation years later, but at the same time find it easier to forgive than hold a grudge. We might feel sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt us. Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of joy, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity. Sometimes situations, conversations, or events are perceived as black or white, one way or another, and the middle spectrum is overlooked or misunderstood. A small fight might signal the end of a relationship and collapse of one’s world, where a small compliment might boost us into a state of bliss.
10) We have difficulty with executive functioning. The way we process the world is different. Tasks that others take for granted, can cause us extreme hardship. Learning to drive a car, to tuck in the sheets of a bed, to even round the corner of a hallway, can be troublesome. Our spacial awareness and depth-awareness seems off. Some will never drive on a freeway, never parallel park, and/or never drive. Others will panic following directions while driving. New places offer their own set of challenges. Elevators, turning on and off faucets, unlocking doors, finding our car in a parking lot, (even our keys in our purse), and managing computers, electronic devices, or anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse in us a sense of panic. While we might be grand organizers, as organizing brings us a sense of comfort, the thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something causes distress. Doing the bills, cleaning the house, sorting through school papers, scheduling appointments, keeping track of times on the calendar, and preparing for a party can cause anxiety. Tasks may be avoided. Cleaning may seem insurmountable. Where to begin? How long should I do something? Is this the right way? Are all questions that might come to mind. Sometimes we step outside of ourselves and imagine a stranger entering our home, and question what they would do if they were in our shoes. We reach out to others’ rules of what is right, even in isolation, even to do the simplest of things. Sometimes we reorganize in an attempt to make things right or to make things easier. Only life doesn’t seem to get easier. Some of us are affected in the way we calculate numbers or in reading. We may have dyslexia or other learning disabilities. We may solve problems and sort out situations much differently than most others. We like to categorize in our mind and find patterns, and when ideas don’t fit, we don’t know where to put them. Putting on shoes, zipping or buttoning clothes, carrying or packing groceries, all of these actions can pose trouble. We might leave the house with mismatched socks, our shirt buttoned incorrectly, and our sweater inside out. We find the simple act of going grocery shopping hard: getting dressed, making a list, leaving the house, driving to the store, and choosing objects on the shelves is overwhelming.
EVERYDAY ASPERGERS THE BOOK WILL BE AVAILABLE IN EARLY 2016!
This list is based on workshops, videos, literature, personal accounts, and my own experience. Females with Asperger’s Syndrome present themselves very differently than males. This is not an all-encompassing list. It’s not a criteria. It’s limiting and bias-based, as it’s only my view. It is my current truth. I don’t claim to be an expert or professional….but I do know an awful lot about the subject. I hold a Masters Degree in Education, have Aspergers, one of my sons has Aspergers, and I have several graduate-level classes in counseling psychology…I guess I am sort of an expert, after all. ~ Sam Craft

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A Psychologist’s Perspective of Taylor Swift: Part 1

Written by Dr. Rachel Kitson

I’ll start off by saying that overall and from what I know, I really like and respect Taylor Swift. I think she is extremely talented and driven, and like a girl’s girl in the best sense. There is also something appealing and charming about the extent to which she seems somewhat oblivious or at least not entirely motivated by fame in and of itself.  Like she’s just doing her thing and making the best of it. This contributes to her endearing quirkiness, and sets her apart from her peers, despite being a bombshell and rock/pop/country mega star. Her drive and focus, coupled with an always present unselfconscious social and physical awkwardness, in addition to the subject matter and style of her lyrics and songwriting process also has given rise to a hypothesis between myself and colleague, Dr. Kelley Bolton: Taylor Swift seems a little Aspie!  Or at least seems to illustrate some traits of Asperger’s Syndrome (a now defunct diagnostic category relating to people who fall on the ‘high functioning’ zone of the Autism Spectrum Disorders) as it manifests in women.
Some of the things that make Aspie’s awesome are also traits Swift embodies. Would she meet criteria for a diagnosis? That’s up for debate and maybe unlikely. The truth is that Asperger’s is not a REAL thing, it’s something we as people have made up—a construct—to understand a rare-ish breed of people who perceive the world in a ‘clinically significantly’ unique way. It all falls on the continuum of human experience.  The purpose of this is not to diagnose T. Swift, but to pay tribute to her talent and armchair analyze her attributes that set her apart from her peers and/or neurotypicals. I work with Aspie’s, and love their refreshing, direct OR absolutely indirect roundabout way of connecting with and describing life. My goal in writing this is to normalize and appreciate the diversity that is offered by an understanding of Asperger’s/Autism spectrum disorders; and hopefully foster an appreciation for how these traits can be enriching for our society as a whole.
I am not an expert on Taylor, just a fan, but compared to the general populace, know a little bit about Asperger’s.  So know that the accuracy of my thesis is based more on my knowledge and familiarity with Asperger’s and less on my assessment or evaluation of Taylor Swift.  Asperger’s is best understood as a difference in social/emotional/ behavioral perception.  It is not a mental illness, personality or thought disorder.  It is considered “developmental” because one is born with it and the distinctive symptoms are exhibited from age three; although they may manifest in different ways across the lifespan.  Asperger’s is characterized by significant challenges in social interaction in addition to restricted and perseverative interests.  It was previously distinguished from other Autism Spectrum Disorders because linguistic (language) and cognitive (intelligence) development are preserved.  People with Asperger’s may have a propensity to be physically clumsy and make odd or very literal use of language — although these qualities are not necessary for diagnosis. Males and females with Asperger’s tend to demonstrate these traits in unique ways. Males tend to exhibit the traits more behaviorally (think Sheldon from Big Bang Theory or Max from Parenthood), while female Aspies are less depicted in pop culture and the traits seem to be more associated with social-emotional attributes (females with Asperger’s may be more likely to get diagnosed with a mood disorder, such as bipolar disorder, or fly under the radar all together).Dr. Bolton and I recently gave a talk on understanding Asperger’s in females.  I’ll use the bullet points from this talk to start and provide an overview of some basic qualities female Aspie’s tend to demonstrate.  First, here are some things females with Aspie’s may struggle with or may set them apart in a way that is confusing to others:

• Difficulty with the plans, thoughts, and points-of-view of others
• Language pragmatics, voice inflection, modulation
• Abstract / Idiomatic language and expressions
• Making sense of change and adjusting
• Sensory sensitivity (prefer comfortable clothes, limited range  of foods, heightened perception of light and sound)
• Preoccupation with certain subjects
• Need alone time
• Emotion regulation: communicating their emotions to others and attending to in themselves
• Keen observers of human behavior and social interaction but struggle when they become an active participant
• Interests similar to female peers and less restricted, but level of intensity generally different
• Use strategies to mask social confusion
• Superficial level of social success through imitation
• Escape into fantasy

And the following provides an overview of some of the cool qualities and strengths of Asperger’s(some the same as above):

• Passionate commitment to ideas
• Original ways of approaching problems
• Diligently work in a routine
• Strong pursuit of knowledge in areas of interest
• Take rules seriously
• Strong sense of equality and justice
• Loyal to friends
• Wide vocabulary
• Good visual and spatial learners
• Good long term memory
• Not swayed much by peer pressure
• Ability to gain system-based knowledge
• Intense interests in reading, fantasy, writing, creating characters

Taylor Swift is obviously an immense talent; in her short life she has been nominated 531 times (and counting) for awards related to her music, and has won 317 awards (including 7 Grammies, 15 AMA’s, 11 Country Music Association Awards, 7 Academy of Country Music Awards, and 12 Billboard Music Awards).  She stands out, and while she may not be a “textbook” case of Asperger’s, there is something about her social audaciousness, naïveté, and delightful awkwardness(potentially more readily excused by her good looks and glam squad) paired with her pure drive and focus and desire to connect with every fan, that at least reminds us of some of the quirks and endearing traits of our female clients with Asperger’s. So, for those of us Swifties, how do you think Taylor fits so far? Not swayed?  Well, stay tuned until next time when I’ll delve into some of Taylor’s qualities and how they relate to Asperger’s…

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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">A Psychologist’s Perspective of Taylor Swift: Part 1 <a href="https://t.co/5R2wG4QUZF">https://t.co/5R2wG4QUZF</a></p>&mdash; T★A★G (@tabanacles) <a href="https://twitter.com/tabanacles/status/682166709403422721">December 30, 2015</a></blockquote>
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A Psychologist’s Perspective on Taylor Swift: Part 2

12 months ago

by Dr. Rachel Kitson

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Written by Dr. Rachel Kitson

So, last week I put it out there that T. Swift has some of what I affectionately and respectfully referred to as Aspie traits. The thing about understanding and identifying Asperger’s is this: if you’ve met one person with Asperger’s, you’ve met one person with Asperger’s. That’s to say that people with Asperger’s have some general and over-arching differences in thoughts and behavior but are as diverse a group of individuals as any other “clinical population.” As Swift fans, Dr. Bolton and I have noticed some potentially subclinical traits that fall very much in alignment with Asperger’s through reviewing Swift’s interviews, music videos, song-writing, and general mannerisms/behavior. Women with Asperger’s tend to be an under-identified and less understood population, at least in comparison to their male counterparts. As psychologists who work with Aspies, we have to catch ourselves about not over-identifying or -pathologizing (as in, if the only tool in your tool belt is a hammer then everything looks like a nail) the non-pathological. In writing this I hope to empower not only the female Aspie, but the quirky, driven, and creative females who follow the beat of their own drum!
To give you more insight into how we’ve developed this hypothesis of Swift potentially falling somewhere on the Aspie gradient, read on about some characteristics of females with Asperger’s and how Taylor fits the bill!
Fixation/Drive
People with Asperger’s tend to have what I sometimes refer to as a “freight train brain,” in that they have distinct, intense, and obsessive fixations with things, ideas, topics, and/or people. For females with Asperger’s, their interests may be “socially appropriate,” but the intensity and pursuit of them tends to be what sets them apart from their peers. They might obsessively collect and organize objects, have to continually bring the topic of conversation back to their interest, or occupy themselves almost exclusively with the subject matter. Others may see them as loners, reclusive, or odd. They tend to prefer time with their interest over social interaction. For many females with Asperger’s, their subject of interest might be socialization itself.

They are keen observers of social interaction (especially of their female peers) and often try to understand it in terms of hierarchies or structure—rules to follow.

 Female Aspies may tend to continually question the actions and behaviors of themselves and others to make sense of the nuances of interpersonal relationships. They can be great imitators but their interactions may feel stilted, forced, or mimicked rather than fluid and spontaneous. The intense interest and focus of people with Asperger’s can lead to savant-like aptitudes, abilities, and talents. Males with Asperger’s may excel in fields like engineering or computer programming. Females with Asperger’s tend to be drawn to creative pursuits such as writing and theatre or performance. If we were to consider Swift through the lens of Asperger’s her unapologetic pursuit of writing lyrics and country music would be her “circumscribed interest.” Her father transferred jobs from Pennsylvania to Nashville when she was 14 after Swift fell in love with the city as a country music mecca at the age of 11. Of course, many young talents trace their beginnings to parents taking leaps of faith (or the opportunity to live vicariously) by moving closer to the likes of Los Angeles and Manhattan—so I don’t expect anyone to be entirely convinced at this point, but I am just laying the ground work.

However, what potentially sets Taylor apart from her contemporaries, is her motivation for pursuing music. It seems like her drive was purely the pursuit to generate, produce, and immerse herself completely; not to gain accolades, royalties, and be on the cover of US Weekly.

Songwriting (language)
Females with Asperger’s tend to be very matter of fact, literal, and analytical. They are less likely to take short cuts: nothing is easy and no stone goes unturned. They are “escape artists” in that the social world can be overwhelming and exhausting, and they “escape” through their fixations or over interest in subjects and through imagination and fantasy.   Female Aspies often exhibit hyperlexia, or a precocious reading ability, and love to know the origins of words and develop advanced and sometimes eccentric vocabularies. Due to their tendency to take things literally and straight-forwardly, they may communicate in a way that can seem immature or unsophisticated but the void of sarcasm can also be refreshing, direct, and wise. They may be confused by idioms or words and language that carries multiple meanings or connotations. Females with Asperger’s may even have feelings about certain words and find comfort and something like friendship in writing and language. They write to relieve anxiety, explore patterns, and document their imaginations and observations. They tend to be “hard workers” in that they produce a large quantity of high quality in a short period of time. Consequently, female Aspies may demonstrate unique savant like talents and abilities in subjects ranging from singing (perfect pitch), art, learning other languages, acting, drama and performing, dancing, and writing.
Rolling Stone has described Swift as “a songwriting savant with an intuitive gift for verse-chorus-bridge architecture.” Her music is almost entirely autobiographical. She has alluded to how she writes to try to understand people and capture their experiences. Her songs’ hooks are almost always sincere, literal, and to the point. She writes poetically and relatably, but there’s never really a need to make inference or decode her emotion or meaning. Her writing is lovely in the same way that I enjoy how the female Aspies I work with are able to capture the essence of their observations with such clarity. The embellishment of simplicity and directness can be quite profound and beautiful after all.
Ed Sheeran has commented on Swift’s songwriting approach, which includes constant documentation of ideas, observations, and thoughts throughout the day and on whatever surfaces are readily available when genius strikes; “She does that all the time. It’s a good way to do it. She’s one of the very few people left in the industry that actually worries about the songs that she sings, like she actually wants to write them herself.”
Numbers Bring Ease
Numbers are calming for Aspies. Numbers don’t ever look at you funny or laugh at you. They’re consistent and follow patterns and logic. Swift Proof: Album 1989 and the ever famous 13.

Social Perception: Romantic Relationships
Traits of Asperger’s which might impact romantic relationships include a tendency to take things very literally, as well as reliance on predictability and patterns (which romantic relationships rarely conform to), and Aspies tend to be very sensitive to their own emotions and yet can be confused by or fail to pick up on the emotions of others. Therefore they may struggle when it comes to some of the “games” that are played in relationships and feel particularly shaken or euphoric about the unexpected intensity of the emotions associated with intimacy. They may use relationships to escape and find it hard to understand things like manipulation, disloyalty, vindictive behavior, and retaliation. This can make them come off as naïve or immature, and they may be more likely to be taken advantage or for granted since they struggle (or forget) to communicate their emotions to the other person and only experience them and react based on them. Again, here is where writing and creating/producing can be a very structured and relatively safe way for an Aspie to explore their feelings and communicate them.
Taylor writes very blatantly and unapologetically about her past relationships. Most of her fans and the media have an easy time discerning and then disseminating who the song is based on by non-subtle hints. She called out John Mayer by his given name in “Dear John”: “Don’t you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home. I should’ve known.” Swift explained that “The Last Time” is about an “experience I had with someone who was kind of this unreliable guy. You never know when he’s going to leave, you never know when he’s going to come back, but he always does come back.” At the end of her rocky relationship with Harry Styles she merely tweeted a lyric from her song “I Knew You Were Trouble”: “…til you put me down,” to let her fans know the relationship had finally run its course.
But her songs never seem like she is outing someone or bashing them. They have an innocence and purity that makes it not feel like she’s out to scorn the boys and men who she has had relationships with. Her songs seem honest and carry both a vulnerability and strength; I imagine she probably struggles with insincerity or lying (a common Aspie trait as well).
Friendships
Females with Asperger’s may struggle early in life to connect and establish friendships with their peers. They may not particularly care about or understand the purpose of personal hygiene and appearance before they become teenagers or young adults. In an NPR interview, Swift commented that, “I’m 24. I still don’t feel like it’s a priority for me to be cool, edgy, or sexy. When girls feel like they don’t fit into those three themes, which are so obnoxiously thrust upon them through the media, I think the best thing I can do for those girls is let them know that this is what my life looks like … I’ve never ever felt edgy, cool, or sexy. Not one time.” 
Female Aspies may also tend to be observers or escape in solitary, elaborative, imaginative play. As they matriculate through the school age years, they may gravitate towards either younger children, who they can “direct” and avoid judgment from, or adults who enjoy their broad vocabulary and are also more direct and tend to be less judgmental. Especially in middle and high school, when there is a lot of pressure to conform, females with Asperger’s may be loners, try to blend in to a clique with minimal success, or (best case scenario) find a group of quirky and accepting peers.
Some of the ways in which female Aspies struggle with friendships: they are often confused by the social mores and rules concerning eye contact, voice modulation and tone, personal space, and non-verbal communication. They can be obsessive about their relationships in a way that can be off-putting to their peers but really stems from their attempt to “correctly” be a friend and communicate. They may overshare or spill intimate details to strangers. They may also struggle with maintaining relationships by not understanding the reciprocity required and then not understand when a friendship seems to suddenly end.
Swift has noted that she struggled with relationships when she was younger, but has more than made up for it now. She seems to effortlessly float between social circles, a quality some Aspies may acquire once they are generally accepted because they are both perceptive to the characteristics of different social cliques and have mastered imitation. Aspies can be excellent social chameleons; and while they may rely on the social facts (i.e., one person is “goth” versus “emo”) they don’t necessarily make judgments about these qualities (i.e., people who dress goth are “less than” those who dress emo). Aspies may understand the classification system and be very attune to the hierarchies because they find the rules for socializing comforting, but because they have also most likely experienced ostracization, they can be extremely empathic and strive for equality amongst their friendships.
Female Aspies may exhibit little impulse control when it comes to bringing the conversation back to their interests or monopolizing conversations; they may also learn to moderate this through trial and error. It’s not that they’re narcissistic or controlling, but more likely earnest, over-eager, and just trying to connect and bond. For Taylor, such traits may contribute to her fans finding her approachable, relatable, and charismatic.
Emotions
Female Aspies tend to be labeled with seemingly polar emotional extremes: depressed/over-joyed, lazy/over-active, inconsiderate/over-sensitive, lacking awareness/laser focus and attention to detail, over-zealous/apathetic. Part of this is the result of Aspies having a hard time identifying feelings unless they are extremes, and part is only picking up on the extreme demonstration of emotions by others and thus communicating that way in kind.
Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of contentment, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity. Sometimes situations, conversations, or events are perceived as black or white, one way or another, and the middle spectrum is overlooked or misunderstood. Because Aspie females tend to long to connect and understand others, they may be highly sensitive to anything perceived as criticism and exhibit melt-downs or freak-outs and not be able to put language to them at a later time. They can appear hypersensitive or to over-react to seemingly innocuous social encounters, while simultaneously overlooking or minimizing something that seems it should prompt more of a reaction. This can make predicting reactions of Aspies more challenging and predictable at the same time (predictable in that they can predictably react in extremes and predictably be non-predictable).
I can’t speak directly to Swift’s emotional ability but I would predict that she would meet some of the criteria above…
Social Justice Orientation
Many Aspies exhibit a “hyperempathy,” in part due to their own “persecution” for being different or odd, coupled with their deep desire to connect and keen observation of life in general. They don’t take things for granted and their empathy tends to extend to, and sometimes be even stronger towards, animals. Temple Grandin, PhD, is one of the most well-known and accomplished adults with Asperger’s and is known for her advocacy for animal welfare. She explained that, as a female Aspie, she is able to connect with animals because “Verbal language is not required for communication with animals…Animal cognition has similarities to autism cognition…Animals are very aware of small, sensory details in the environment.” Many Aspies have a strong love of nature and for animals and may even prefer to be in the presence of nature and animals over people. Swift’s friend, Tavi Gevisnson, has described her as “BFF to planet earth.” Taylor has two Scottish Fold cats; one, Olivia Benson (named after Mariska Hargitay’s character on Law & Order: SVU), and the other, Meredith Grey (the character on Grey’s Anatomy played by Ellen Pompeo) are both frequenters of Taylor’s blog posts.
Aspies have a tendency to find literal meaning and ‘black or white’ interpretation of the world can also lead to some rather heavy-handed stances on issues of right-and-wrong, and they tend to lean extremely to one side of the social justice gauntlet or the other. Taylor has recently been questioned on whether she views herself as being a feminist or not after striking up a friendship with Lena Dunham; perhaps the media’s attempt to put Swift in a “box” and struggling to given the various and diverse alliances she strikes. Aspies may not fit so neatly into a clique or be pegged to a specific style/scene/genre and are able to drift more seamlessly through them or feel simultaneously disconnected from the groups people form based. She handled inquiries gracefully by responding to an interview in The Daily Beast on whether she considers herself a feminist by stating, “I don’t really think about things as guys versus girls. I never have. I was raised by parents who brought me up to think if you work as hard as guys, you can go far in life.” More recently in an NPR interview, Taylor expounded that, “I have brought feminism up in every single interview I’ve done because I think it’s important that a girl who’s 12 years old understands what that means and knows what it is to label yourself a feminist, knows what it is to be a woman in today’s society, in the workplace or in the media or perception.”
Lots of attention has been paid to Taylor’s romantic relationships and their demise, and as candidly as she addresses them in her songs, she also takes a strong stance on how her songs can help teach girls to think about “What you should accept from men, what you shouldn’t, and how to form your own opinion on that.” Similarly, attempts have been made to sexualize her and she has spoken about being objectified and the “self-esteem crisis” young girls are faced with in a photo-shopped and airbrushed world. She has also alluded to her distaste with the entitlement of some of her peers and expressed, “I think never assuming that you are entitled to anything is very important…Also treating people well, not just people who you think can help you but generally treating everybody well.”
These sentiments may cross the lips of many a pop-star trying to exert a “good influence” or image, but Taylor seems genuine and to speak from the heart, as though she knows no other way. That sincerity is also a hallmark of females with Asperger’s, who tend to have a huge compassion for suffering and want to help others and better themselves. Aspie or not, these qualities draw upon the loyalty and respect of Taylor’s fans.
Literal Interpretation
As youth, females with Asperger’s tend to speak literally and jokes may seem to go over their heads. I’ve already alluded to how the literal interpretation can be both a blessing and a curse, but wanted to offer a couple of you tube clips [youtuber youtube=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WBCsiCqIAs ‘][youtuber youtube=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeTlLiM08hM’] from an interview with John Cleese that I felt really captured both extremes of this in Taylor. In discussing her cats, Cleese asks her, “How did it have the accident?” referring to the folded ears of the cats. Taylor totally does not get it and responds “What? What accident?” He sees a soft spot and opportunity for fun at Taylor’s expense and responds “Is that a proper cat? …that’s the weirdest cat I have ever seen in my life!” But Taylor gets her revenge. Check out the clips and you won’t be disappointed.
Follow the beat of their own drum

Following up on the tendency to take and express things literally, Aspies may have a sense of humor that may seem quirky or odd. They may be funny without even realizing it (something granted to them by their literal approach and frankness). One of my favorite Swift-friendship pairings, Lorde, who seems like someone who would appreciate some quirky friendship love, relayed that Taylor sent her flowers after a performance one night and then met her at Shake Shack. Lorde explained what really “sealed the deal” on their friendship was when a stranger asked Swift if Lorde was her manager and Swift promptly answered, “Yes.”
Many entertainers go through phases but Taylor shifts pretty seamlessly and reinvents herself constantly with her costume, posturing, and music while the core of who she is seems to remain steadfast and true. She is endearingly consistent despite the different roles she embodies.
So that’s my case for Taylor rocking some Aspie traits! There are probably things I’ve left out, overlooked, or over-interpreted (some intentionally!). I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions. We are definitely making this case from afar and based on anecdotal and several-times-removed “evidence.” Again, the point of this is not to diagnose Taylor, but to educate readers on how awesome female Aspies can be and how understanding how females with Asperger’s relate to the world provides a unique and refreshing landscape. Another purpose is to provide some insight into how the behavior and perceptions of someone with Asperger’s might be misperceived by others. Through gaining awareness, the hope is that females on the spectrum will better understand themselves and the population at large can appreciate Asperger’s as enriching to diversity rather than stigmatize those with Asperger’s as being less intelligent, savvy, or relevant. I hope Taylor takes it as the compliment it is meant to be!
Also, check out Samantha Craft’s blog on being a female with Asperger’s—it is awesomely written and was a great resource for putting this blog together: https://aspergersgirls.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/aspergers-traits-women-females-girls/
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http://everydayaspergers.com/2012/02/10/aspergers-traits-women-females-girls/