Taming the Mammoth: Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think
Empathy, Congruence, and Unconditional Positive Regard
(not forgetting, conditions of worth)
The Three Core Conditions
There are
three core conditions that are important to provide a climate conductive for
growth in a therapeutic relationship.
They are:
1.
Congruence
2. Empathy/Empathetic
Understanding
3.
Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR)
The
first, congruence, the counsellor
needs to be true to them self, authentic, transparent and genuine and not
present a professional façade or air of authority acting like they are superior
to the client and that they are some kind of expert who knows all of the
answers.
To be
truly congruent, the counsellor has to become very self-aware and present how
they are feeling so it is what they are really are actually feeling so they are
in harmony, otherwise it’s known as incongruence and this will just signal
mixed messages to the client – such as giving out the wrong or confusing message
like when someone tells you they are happy but when looking sad.
The
second core condition is empathy or
empathetic understanding, this is when the counsellor will be able to gain
insight into the client’s world. This is
done after showing sensitivity with listening and using other learnt skills such
as reflecting and paraphrasing in their sessions and additionally also using their
intuition, hunches and reading body language signals and other little things so
then the counsellor should be able to accurately understand the client’s
thoughts and feelings from that client’s frame of reference.
When
the counsellor is then able to walk in the client’s shoes and perceive what the
world is like from their point of view it demonstrates not only that their view
has value, but also that the client is being accepted by the counsellor.
The
third, Unconditional Positive Regard
is when the counsellor accepts the client unconditionally, without judgement,
the counsellor has to possess a non-judgemental attitude towards the client’s behaviour and understand that the client
is trying their best therefore the counsellor should hold the belief that the client
is a worthwhile person regardless of if they approve of their behaviour as they
still see the client as someone worthy and of equal value.
Under these
conditions of Unconditional Positive Regard it will mean that the client is
then free to explore all thoughts and feelings, positive and negative without
danger or rejection, without fear of reprisal as the client does not have to do
anything or have any standard behaviour to earn Positive Regard from the counsellor
as it is already there because all are considered worthy by the counsellor.
Hough (2001)
Together
these three core conditions are believed to enable the client to develop and
grow in their own way and expand their identity and to become the person that
they really are independent of the pressures of others to act and think in
particular ways.
